Control

So I had an interesting conversation with one of Harper's doctors at the hospital yesterday, and it has made me do some thinking. He was giving me her latest updates, and not much has changed, so we are still on this hold, just sitting and watching and waiting. As a parent, nothing is more torturous than being able to do nothing for your child but sit and wait! Apparently the doctor is aware of this struggle because he sat beside me and asked, "Are you a patient person?"

My immediate response was laughter... Me, patient? The woman who is always in a hurry, always on the run? The mom who rushes her kids every day and snaps when they can't find their shoes again or leave their dirty clothes in the floor? The grouch who grumbles over crumbs on the table, toothpaste in the sink, juice down the front of a shirt? I am certainly not the role model for patience!

As I laughed at that thought, Dr. Moya went on to say that babies like Harper teach us a lot about control, or lack thereof.... That we can do everything perfectly by the book, think we have it all figured out, but then something like this comes along and life throws us a curve ball. Then we see just how little control we have.

I've been working that through in my mind the past couple of days as I sit here in a quiet hospital room with plenty of time to think. If nothing else, this past year has taught me that I can't control a thing. How scary a thought that is for a control freak like me! But no matter what I do or how perfect things may seem on the outside, at any given moment it could all be gone. In this temporary world we live in, relationships get destroyed, people get sick, calamities occur... And no one is exempt from experiencing the pain and pitfalls and brokenness.

The catch is our response to such events... There are a lot of lost people out there watching to see how we react when life hits us hard, or when life is just full of little things like missing shoes and spilled juice. Every day is filled with opportunities to be a witness or a barrier. Unfortunately I find that far too often I respond with impatience and become more of a barrier for those watching, but praise God that He never gives up on me! As one of my favorite songs says, "Your love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me..."